Burn Past Burn
by Lyrancon
Summary: KaixRei in later chapters. Rei is being haunted by his past when he returns from a trip to his hometown. Kai is determent to find out what is wrong with Rei. VERY ANGSTY! attempts to suicide inculded in later chapters. I suck at summaries sorry.
1. what is going on?

I was sitting in the windowsill, looking at the world outside. Leaves where slowly falling down, covering the fields in a layer of red, brown and yellow . I was sitting here in an empty room, with no one there to comfort me when I was in pain. No one there to wrap an arm around me when I cried, no one will ever tell me everything will be okay. The leaves are still falling, I'm still sitting here. I don't know why I even try to live on. I feel warm tears starting to slide down my face. So many people are around me, walking past me, never noticing me. All alone, now and always. Why did I end up in here? I look at the finely crafted beyblade in my hand. The only thing that is left, of my past. I wish you where here, together with all the others. But your spirit already left, together with the ones you loved. Except for me. Why? Why was I the only one to survive those fires? They still haunt me in my sleep. I can still hear your screams in pain and fear, telling me to run and wait for her at the waterfall. But you never came. You died with the others, when you saved me Okaa-san. Why mother? Sometimes I wished you would just took me in your arms so we could die together, in stead of letting me live. And let me suffer even worse pain then the raging fire, the phoenix flames, burning the flesh of my bones. Why mother? Did this happen to me, to us, to all of us?

**Kai POV:**

Time to start training for the upcoming match. But something isn't as it is supposed to be. He was definitely hiding something. I can see it in his eyes. He is faking his smiles and acting as usual so he thinks no one will notice. I have been watching him for to long to let this go passed unnoticed. He is beybladeing like his life depends on. Not that it is the worst thing in the world. But the thing that bothers me is the reason behind it. The way his eyes narrow ever so slightly when anyone says more than a single word to him, the way his hands are itching as if he is going to tear someone apart this instant. The strange thing is, he started to act like this since he returned from his journey to china, to meet his family again. Maybe something went wrong over there.

I never told anyone, what is going on. But I have seen you watching me. With your deep shining crimson orbs. You almost looked caring, but that must have been a trick of the light. No one cares about me. It has been so long since someone did so. Sometimes I wonder, if I should tell you about it anyway. But I'm scared you'll hate me. I don't want you to think I'm weak. A nobody in your opinion. Please ancients sprits enlighten my path, for confusion is taking me over more and more every second. Darkness is steadily dissolving my mind, and I don't know what to do anymore.


	2. we will unite once more

Heya everyone. New chappy of burn past burn. WARNING! If you are not capable of stomaching suicide, don't read it ok? So don't start nagging to me that is was horrible to read because of that will you?  
**Thanks for reviewing on my previous chapter:  
**Dragon-girl 02  
Darksaphire  
Killproduct  
Arsinen  
Jenova-chan  
**Thank ya all for giving me valuable feedback** .

Kai pov:

It has been a few weeks like this now. I seriously don't know what to do anymore. He is acting so different, so distant. He is avoiding my eyes, he refuses to look at me anymore. Why Rei? Why are you acting like this?

It makes me wonder, what could have happened in his hometown. He seriously looks like a walking zombie in this state. I see him walking upstairs again. He is upstairs a lot lately, with his door locked. I still don't understand, what are you hiding from us Rei?

-upstairs-

Rei pov:

I have made my decision. I'm sitting here on my bed, Okaa-san, I'll be united with you once more. I lift my face to my window and realise, I envy those outside. People who are playing with the fresh snow, not bothering about anything. I feel so cold, so empty, so alone. But not for long anymore, I will find my way to you mother.

-downstairs-

Kai Pov:

It's utterly confusing, he picked up cooking again as happy as before. He actually appears less, depressed. It's strange and I don't really trust this sudden "change". What is going on Rei? What are you trying to tell us? I'm quite ashamed of it, but he is currently scaring the crap out of me. I decide to go and check upon him in the kitchen, just in case. He is happily cutting away some meat for dinner tonight but I notice the difficulty he has with holding the knife with his right hand. As if something is hurting. I decide to act like nothing is going on, get something to drink and leave him on his own again.

-a few days later, upstairs in Rei's room-

Rei pov:

I do not fear death any longer. But I do fear the results. What if I fail? What will the guys say? Kai will definitely call me spineless, weak and disgusting for giving up like this. But he doesn't know Okaa-san, he doesn't understand. I weak smile shows on my face, when I think of my mother once more. I will not fail, for I have a goal I will reach. I will be happy once more. I have been hiding behind all those fake smiles for to long, I have been acting happy and caring to often. Raising the knife, I smuggled from the kitchen, I say my last goodbye, all is over now.

I smile and close my eyes, and let the sharp metal edge caress the flesh of my lower arms. I lay on my bed and start to feel a little dizzy as more and more blood is pouring out of my arms. I can vaguely realise I'm lying in a puddle of my own blood. And can vaguely hear the singing of birds and the laughing if children outside, before I feel myself slip away.

-TBC-

SORRY IT'S SOOOO DAMNED SHORT!!! But I really have a shitty schedule for school land I'm drowning in homework. Please forgive me TT

Please review, I need feedback to improve my writing ne?


	3. love is a murderer

I know I know...I'm not making any progress in the story, but please don't kill me TT  
I'm trying my best! but I've got a writers block right now and everything seems to turn out in anyway except for the one I want it to be TT  
I'll try and submit a new chapter as soon as I can!

thanks for reviewing on my second chappie:  
**Jenova-chan  
dragon-girl 02  
killproduct  
**

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Love is a murderer.**

Love is a murderer  
That is stabbing me in the back again.  
Love is a killer,  
That is tearing me to pieces.

Why do people love?  
When it only breaks their hearts.

Love is a string,  
That is slowly choking my heart.  
Love is a poison,  
That is slowly intoxicating my emotions.

Why do people love?  
When it only breaks their hearts.

Love is a razorblade,  
That makes the final move.  
Love is a razorblade,  
My key to eternity.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

please forgive me for making it so short TT It's just a little poem I wrote during dutch class, while I was trying to write a new chapter for the story and it wouldn't leave my mind anymore TT I hope you like it anyway.  
please Review so I know what to improve and so on.  
hugs ya all Lyrancon


	4. paralizing cold

**heya everyone. I hope you will enjoy my 4 chappie.  
thanks for reviewing on my chaper3/poem:**

Jenova-chan  
Killproduct

-----------------------------------------------------

Kai Pov:  
I shoot up from my chair, breathing heavily. For a fraction of a second, everything turned cold, black and empty. All of a sudden I know, just know I have to check upon Rei, right now. Call it sixth sense, a primal instinct, but somehow I feel something is wrong. It actually is weird, and even a little disturbing. I started to think about him more and more often since he is acting so weird. I can't tell what it is that I feel, I can't exactly pinpoint what it is related with. But I know, I'm, starting to grow close to him, to Rei. It actually scares me, that I can feel something towards other people. The strange thing is, that it feel so natural.

_Tic Tack Tic Tack  
__Time is ticking away.  
__Drip Drop Drip Drop  
__Dripping on the ground_

I'm currently walking up the stairs, my heart is pounding in my chest for a reason unknown to me. I just have the feeling something is wrong. When I softly knock on the closed bedroom door in front of me, everything turns cold at once for the second time in a few minutes.

"Rei? Are you in there? Are you in there?"

my feelings of numbing worry and fear grow bigger with every second. Why isn't he answering me?

"Rei? C'mon open the door"

It didn't had to come out so demanding, but I know it did. Simply because I get frustrated of my own emotions. Then I hear it, a soft mumbling of words, and something falling metallic falling to the ground. Every nerve in my body feels like it is freezing, every brain cell in my mind tells me to force open the door. Somehow my body seems to have gone numb.

_Drip Drop Drip Drop  
__Flowing from my cuts, so deep. _

All of a sudden, I get control over my body once more. When calculating the exact force I need, I ready my body for an outburst of brute energy. Five seconds later, the door is blow out of his hinges. I gasp and blink with my eyes. This must be a dream! It can't be real what I am seeing now. My instincts take over as I proceed to action.

_Tic Tack Tic Tack  
Time is ticking away.  
Tic Tack Tic Tack  
I can only wait and hope.  
Tic Tack Tic Tack  
Never forgiving myself.  
Tic Tack Tic Tack  
If I would have been to late.  
Tic Tack Tic Tack  
If you would die.  
Tic Tack Tic Tack  
Time is ticking away.  
_Tic Tic Tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**TBC**

I know I know, it's short. so sue me XD but it's the same story as before...someone, please hire some terrorists to bomb my school to pieces, thank you XD  
anyway, please review so I know what I can improve and what is going better.

sees ya, hugs ya,  
Lyrancon, Eran


	5. gone forever

**weee next chappie I hope you guys like it. I took me quite some time to get this one right. and the poems sucked the lving hell out of me. I couldn't come up with something good. so in otehr words, this chapter sucks...I'm sorry! TT **

**thanks for reviewing:  
Jenova-chan  
The Laughing Mann  
Killproduct  
dragon-girl02  
**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Normal POV:**

_The days breaking.  
__Darkness falling.  
__Lights fading.  
__Shadows crawling.  
__Inside my mind. _

Sitting, numb and lonely. Cold. All rational thoughts erased from your mind. Nothing is left, but a horribly sickening feeling of emptiness. Nothing to do, to help, no distraction. No way to escape the bitterness of reality.

Here, in a hospital, where death and pain are daily, he could feel the walls closing in on him. All he could do was to watch, on a screen, what was happening inside that chamber. That chamber, where they can put people together, or kill them if they want to. What if Rei would die? What if he would have been to late.

Kai realised that he had developed a deeper feeling for the neko-jinn. The sad thing was, or so he reasoned, was that it had to happen under this kind of circumstances. And there was nothing he could do, he could only wait. Wait and hope, that he would be capable of seeing the boy's smile again, that he could hear his laughter again. But as time was ticking away and the chance of survival became lesser and lesser.

Then it came, as a strike of a lightningbolt at a pale blue sky, that sound, the sound he had feared most. The monotone sound of a machine, that indicates he was gone. His heart gave up, he was gone. Gone forever. And for the first time after his grandfather took him in, Kai allowed himself to lower his head in his hands, and cry.

_All I can see,  
__All I can smell,  
__Is clouded by a numb feeling of sadness and fear.  
__Over my cheek slides a single tear. _

Out of nowhere, a soft warm breeze was blowing across his face, wiping away some of Kai's tears. As if it was trying to calm him down, tell him everything is okay the way it is. In some sort of way, it manages to ease the pain a bit. In the way a friend would do, a friend Kai never had.

_Nothing I can do,__  
__No where I can run to.  
__How could this happen?  
__To you. To me.  
__How could this happen?  
__Will I every see.  
__Why?_

In front of his eyes, the doctors where running around franticly, adjusting all kinds of things to Rei's lifeless body. Defibrillators where put in place. One shock, reloading, second shock, reloading, third shock, a soft beeping sound was heard trough all the mess.

**-TBC-**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**GAAAAH I'm really sorry if you guys ( and girls of course XD) hate this chapter for it's bad-ness...but I had a lot of trouble lately...I'M REALLYREALLYREALLY SORRY IT'S SO SHORT!  
please review, so I know what I can improve **

sees ya, hugs ya,  
lyrancon


	6. awakening

**heya everyone. sorry it took me so long to upload TT. I had a major writers block. and I got a lot of reviews telling me Rei shouldn't die. I advice all those who think he's dead to read over the last few lines of the previous chapter until they understand, before starting on this on P. no just joking, I know I made it very unclear, but I did it on purpose XD. anyway, new chappie, new experiences? we'll see P. I hope you all enjoy bows and leaves stage **

thanks for reviewing on my last chapter:  
Reis1gurl  
Jenova-chan  
Killproduct  
dragon-girl02  
chariot-of-fire

**--------------------------------------------------**

**KAI POV:**

_-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-_ I hate that sound. I hate this scent. I hate this place and I hate this feelings. I FUCKING HATE IT ! I bang my head against the wall, slump to the ground and pull my knees up to my chest. You survived, all will be ok now. but why do I blame myself for all of this? Why do I have this feeling, that it is al my fault?

I watch you, surrounded by the usual white of a hospital. Every time I look at you, lying like that, I feel sick, I feel sad, I shiver and feel the urge to cry. But why? Why do you have such an impact on me? I still can't seem to figure out what I exactly feel, but it feels so, natural to react like this. but I am afraid. I fear my own emotions.

_Voices whispering my name,  
__Inside this abyss of black.  
__An explosion of sound and color,  
__Swirling inside my head.  
__Head nor tails to an endless line of words.  
__Suddenly all is dark and silent once more.  
__Nothing is left but a helpless feeling,  
__Of confusion. _

I stand up and look at your calm, yet slightly sad, sleeping face. Once more I break down right on the spot, rest my head next to your pillow, and try to muffle the sobbing sounds in the mattress. Trying to hide my tears in the blankets.

_As in a dream I see your face__,  
trough a foggy, misty haze.  
__Tears are drowning my mind,  
__Tearing all the memories I left behind.  
__Why did this came to be?  
__Will it ever be possible for me,  
__To live?  
__With this feeling of emptiness.  
_

**REI POV:**

I slowly open my eyes, blink once or twice, and then notice the hellish pain in my lower arms. Wait, pain? Weren't you supposed to feel no pain in the afterlife? Okaa-san, are you there? can you hear me? I look around and have to suppress the urge to curse loudly. This isn't the after life! This is a hospital! Why did they do this to me? Why couldn't they just let me die? Don't they understand my pain? Mentally slapping myself I realize that, of course, they won't understand since I never told a thing about it to them. I can feel tears stinging in the corner of my eyes. Okaa-san, where are you? Why couldn't I reach you?

Then fear grips my heart. What will they say? Will they call me a coward, a wimp, what if they kick me off the team?!! What will he say? What does Kai think about this? what if he is so angry he doesn't want to see me at all anymore. What if he – if he – hates me now. I look around again, and notice something blue lying next to my pillow. As I try to focus my eyes I remember the thing. How could I not see? I grip his hand and ignore a feeling as if red hot knifes are carving in my arms, as I hold his hand tightly. All of a sudden things start to blur again, and I sink away in a pool of dark, quiet black.

_Flowing,  
__Through my body.  
__Trying,  
__To get out.  
__Hidden,  
__Deep inside myself.  
__It'll never set free, unless I give it all up.  
_

_Flowing from the heart,  
__Rushing trough my fingers.  
__Gathering in the pits of my hands.  
__The blood, sacrificed for the one I love.  
_

_Living,  
__Only to die for you.  
__dying,  
__To be at your side.  
__Giving up,  
__Everything so I can be with you.  
__My bleeding love, my bleeding love, for you.  
_

_Flowing from the heart,  
__Rushing trough my fingers.  
__Gathering in the pits of my hands.  
__The blood, sacrificed for the one I love.  
_

_Bleeding love, hidden love.  
__Dying love. _

**TBC  
****---------------------------------------------------------**

**GAAAAH and another messy chapter XD soemtimes I wonder, am I really writing in riddles? anyway, sorry (as always) that it is short. but do realise, it's the longest chapter till now ne? XD blame the writersblock I'm suffering from. I can't help it TT   
please review and so on, I need to know what you guys think ne? gives all the reviewers a coockie **


	7. AUTHORS NOTE! PLEASE READ!

**Authors Note !!**

**I was wandering…if I should continue with the story or leave it as it currently is…I would like to know what you people think about it….if enough people (one actually would be enough) will ask me to continue I guess I will. But please tell me what you recommend me.**

**Love you all who read the story so far and liked it  
-hugs you all-**

**Lyrancon, Eran**


	8. end all pain

**Finally my veryveryveryveryvery dearest readers, I continued with burn past burn. This is probably going to be the last chapter because I'm**** planning on starting on a new story. I thank all those who reacted on my last chapter. **

**Killproduct (omg I wuf yah you're always reviewing thanks so much!)  
Beywriter  
DanniHavok**

**LOVE YOU ALL MY DEAREST REVIEWERS!!! **

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

_Echoes of the falling rain._

_People howling in vain. _

_Heavenly tears falling from the sky._

_I heave my head to clouds and cry. _

_Never asked for this pain._

_To be bound by a burning chain. _

_Grow me wings so I can fly. _

_Before the__grip tightens, death's nearby. _

_Sweet salvation, gliding through thin air. _

_Touching clouds white and fair._

_Cut loose__from the chains of life._

_Saved from the thorns of death. _

_Freedom_

**Kai POV:**

As I wake up from my black out, I need to collect myself together, what exactly happened? Faintly I can remember that I was crying with my head next to his pillow. I must have fallen asleep. Why is my hand feeling so odd, as if something is covering it up. I try to focus my eyes as I slowly start to recognize the shape of a hand, covering mine. He grabbed my hand? That means he must have been awake! I stand up and stretch my legs, that became sore from sitting on the ground. Could he have been awake. I must not get to confident, it probably happened in his sleep. Why won't you awake Rei? Why are you leaving me on my own in here?

I sit down on his bed and softly stroke his cheek, brushing some of his raven black, silky hair out of his face. He always looks so calm when sleeping. I always asked myself why he couldn't be like this when being awake. Why would he always try to force himself to act like this? once more I can feel a burning feeling in the corner of my eyes, but tears won't come. As if I don't have any tears left to cry out.

Again I softly stroke his face, he stirs a bit. Could it be he will finally wake up again? Will he finally be with us again. I look at his face, and slowly but surely a pair of golden orbs flutter open leaving me caught in the beauty they possess.

"K-Kai?" came the soft voice, a little bit husk from the lack of usage.

I couldn't stop myself anymore. Before my mind could follow the chain of events I had pulled him in my arms. When my brain had caught up, I quickly released him from my grasp and looked at the white bed sheets. Again came his words, so calm, yet his voice was shaking.

"I'm, I'm so sorry" he looked down and all off a sudden I felt as if something white hot was spreading. All he could say that he was sorry? After all the trouble we have been trough all he could say was that he didn't really mean to do this? I stood up, facing out of the window. I realized my voice was shaking from suppressed anger and sadness when I softly spoke. "all you can say is that you're sorry?" I couldn't stop my voice from raising, and I started speaking louder and louder. "Don't you realize what trouble I've been trough? I was worried sick about you and all you can say is that you are sorry!"

I spun round and the thing I saw, would never leave my memory again. There he was sitting, hugging his knees tightly against his chest. His silky hair falling loosely over his knees and almost flowing over the bed, as he hid his face between them. Softly, barely loud enough to be heard, sobbing sounds escape the little hideout of his face. I can feel my heart breaking instantly. Is this my doing? Did I make him cry like this? as sudden as I felt it boiling inside me, my anger is subsiding. Again my body is acting before my brain agreed with the actions, as I sit opposite to him on the bed and lift his face with my index finger. I almost burst into tears myself when I look in his eyes. They show nothing but unlimited despair, pain and loneliness. I feel as if I was looking in those eyes forever. Oh how much I was longing to kiss his tears away, longing to make him feel happy again, longing…to make him mine. I feel like drowning in an ocean of swirling, emotion filled, gold. I lean closer and closer as I sink deeper and deeper away.

I softly brush my lips against his, and his eyes are filled with surprise. I'm already halfway the movement of pulling back and apologising, when I feel a hand behind my head, pushing me back down. Our lips meet again, more fiercely this time, as love and passion are fighting their way out of their prisons in our hearts.

_Travel miles across the sky. _

_Lift me up, let me fly. _

_Travel miles across the sea. _

_Looking out for you, stay with me. _

_In order to find the one._

_I can love. _

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**so this was it. I hope you all enjoyed reading my story x3 if there are any suggestions or requests, just let me know and I'll see what I can do xD PLEASE REVIEW!!! PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!  
love, Eran **


End file.
